Divorced and separating couples often find it difficult to agree access rights to their children. It can be very difficult for a parent with the day to day care of a child to release that child into the care of the other parent unsupervised. That difficulty is made even worse where the children are very young, because they are unable to tell you from their own point of view, how the contact is going. You are completely dependent on the other parent know and doing the right thing.
You may have specific concerns over your ex-partner having contact with your children based on their previous relationship, behaviour or their other children.
The best course of action is usually, where possible, to discuss your concerns with your ex-partner. You may be able to arrange visitiation with you present to start with or some other compromise that would put your mind at rest and allow you to develop a way forward together.
When assessing the validity of your concerns, it can sometimes be a useful exercise to ask what your position would have been had you stayed together. Do you think that you would have left your ex looking after your children on their own before the separation? If the answer is yes, then ask what difference does it make now that you’re not together – how have their parenting skills been affected now that you are separated?
If, for whatever reason, you’re not able to sort things out informally with your ex, they can apply to the court for a contact order. During that process you will be given an opportunity to voice your concerns which will then be assessed by the court to see if there is anything in them that affect the level and type of contact your ex has with your children.